Once apone a time I decided to have a home birth. My home birth had great things and not so great things accompany it. Utimatly, I think it all was great I learned much from the things I say are not so great so they are also great to me.
I recived a suprise guest in the event planned. My big brother Curtis decided to fly in with my parents to be here for the birth. I had not seen him in three years, I adore him and was excited that he would be a part of building this great memory of Gwendolyn's arrival.
The morning of October 6th I had a scheduled midwife appointment. I was 40 weeks plus 3 days. With my parents and brother in town awaiting Gwendolyn's introduction I wanted to try to get things started. So My midwife stripped my membrains and made me a super duper yummy drink which consisted of black kohosh, castor oil, and orange juice consentrate, with a wedge of lemon on the side, and the lemon totally helped. Really, I could smell the lemon as I drank threw a straw. I sucked the drink all the way gone.
The next hour was spent back at home trying to consentrate on not throwing up this yummy drink. I had a sick nausiated feeling. I kept it down by concentration and staying still. Dan was studying in my room near by as I accomplished this.
The next hour my contractions started they where consistent at two minutes apart and kept coming. I was excited but nervouse that they would stop. It came time for Azure and Corban to be picked up from school. Dan and I walked over and waited the half hour in between their pick up times. Still timing contractions they were steady at two minutes apart. It was slightly amusing to mention to friends that I was in Labor.
Back home I was feeling a bit tired from the walk and rested in my chair. Now I was visiting the potty about every half hour with the famouse castor oil response to drinking it. We called the midwife who came over to check me. I had been dilated at a two that morning (11:00am) at the visit now it was 4:30pm and I was at a three. Shortly before 6:00pm I got up out of my chair and started pacing the hallway. I called for Dan who was studying on the poarch, it was time for him to be by my side. The contractions now had brought me to the ground and I was on all fours swaying. Curtis was there assisting in comforting me along side Dan. We called the midwife who had said to call her back when there was a change in my Lobor pains. She lives down the street from me. This was defently a change. If I had a guess I would say I was dilated to a four about now. The midwife did not check me at this point. But suggested we get in the tub.
The water was drawn and I made my way downstairs to the tub. The midwife told me that my pains would regulate sometime during labor that my body would soon say how hard and how fast pains would come. At this point they where coming still steady at about one and a half minutes apart. Getting into the tub helped as a pain relief. I labored for some time turning a bit in between contractions. Cold wash clothes where held on my head and towels placed behind me apone my request. I was drinking a power aid to help me not become dehydrated from the pooping I had done. I asked for water but was told I really needed to have the power-aid. It was nice to drink during labor.
The midwife wanted to check my dialation and we had had planned that Dan would do that. he did and reported he thought I was a four and a half maybe a five. This bothered me I did not want to hear I was only half way and I did not want to be checked again. Dan's first time was painful and his practis was over by my say so. Dana checked as well and said that I ws about a five. She said I just needed my bag of water to break then baby would come down. She asked if I wanted her to break it. Dan and I agreed No we did not want it broken.
Labor Pain became very intense and I began to visit a place in side of me that holds great fear. I was sobbing in pain now. And wanted the comfort I have received so many times before in the past on occasions. I asked that the midwife and her assistant step out of the bathroom and called my father and my husband to come give me a blessing. Regretting that we had not done it before but releaved I could have it now in my time of need. Right at this time I had a break in my pains that seemed to last just long enough to recive the blessing with only one contraction. I think this was where my pains evened out. I do not remember the blessing Daniel gave to me. My father told me afterwords that Dan had given me a sweet bleesing and that the room was filled with angels. I asked him if his Aunt Gwendolyn was there, his response was he did not know. I wanted my father to stay and hold my hand for some time. I felt better having my two priesthood holders to labor with for some time.
Shortly after my father left, Dan and I where alone in the bathroom, I had wanted to get up in a vertical position, a birthing stool had been fetched for me to sit on but placed in the tub. Now I felt something pushing with so much pressure I pushed too. It was my bag of water breaking. It burst out across the tub. It was almost commical and had I been in a lighter mood would have laughed out loud and said wow ok baby wants out!
The midwife was called back in and after seeing one more contraction come over me announced Elaine, you are pushing. You are pushing, Elaine, your baby is ready to come. Dan was told to come from supporting my back to come get in position to catch baby. I said I need support where Dan had left me. And called for my MOM to come. I remember tearing at her shirt to push baby out. My mom put her leg up behind me to support me. I had no strengh to hold myself up, yet I felt I needed to be upright to push baby out. Baby Gwendolyn was born at 8:30pm. She was Delivered into Dan's hands. She was put into my arms. I think my eyes got big as this big baby girl was now in my arms. I could hardly hold on to her becouse of exhaustion. Others had their hads on her as well helping hold her up she was beautiful she did not have all the white verasomethen all over her. Even though she was not born in the water. Dana the midwife was suctioning her as we all waited for a cry from her. I could feel her in my arms sort of fade off like she was fading more than falling asleep.
Things moved FAST. Dana told me to get out of the tub onto the floor as the cord was not cut yet and she needed to take baby to the floor NOW. Dana begain CPR she was baged and Dana was giving her compressions. I was watching her and trying to accept either outcome. I had a calm feeling about me and knew all would be well whatever was to happen. I was hoping she would make it and thinking come on Gwendolyn you just got here, STAY. I watched her change colors she was now blue but there was still pink in her. I could still feel her there. Dana got her breathing and we all breathed in relief as. . .
EMS had been called the moment we had got to the floor. They now came into the bathroom annoucing themselves with a declare of HOLY SHIT! I looked at what they where looking at; a tub full of blood, a half naked, wet, bleeding, woman with a cord hanging from her to a baby in the arms of a woman in pink scrubs smeared with blood. Blood all over the floor.
Gwendolyn had been resuscitated by Dana and was now breathing on her own. EMS wanted to load us then and NOW! I announced that where not going anywhere. We explaned this was a planned home birth. I told them they could check the baby out and they could check me out. We cut the cord and delivered the placenta. Dana checked to see if I had torn, I had and would need to be stitched up.
EMS continued to push to have us taken to the hospital. Dad said his advise would be that Gwendolyn needed to go to be checked out. Dan and I talked about it and decided we could go in for peace of mind to see if they would find any reason that she would need further care. So into the ambulance Gwendolyn and I went. My first and hopefully only ambulance ride. Gwendolyn would be admitted to the St. Louis Children's hospital. I to Barns Jewish Hospital. The two hospitals are next to one another and I would be able to walk to and from the NICU. Walk I did it was about a seven minute walk and I was doing it without a wheelchair my first full night of our stay. Gwen was poked after every diper change and had to have an IV and was filled with antibiodics incase she had any infection in her lungs she was on oxygen. Getting aditional information from the midwife we could have had her checked by a pediatrition and put on oxygen for as long as she would have needed it which was about 40 hours. I guess that is just information now. With all the cords Gwen had it was a challange to feed her. after 48 hours of the test results coming back negative, it was then a challenge for the NICU to let her be released based on the facts that they where unsure how much she wa eating. I had done my best to prove to them that even though my milk was not in that this 8lb plus baby would be just fine nursing happily in a day or so once my milk came in. I think the NICU just was not used to releasing a baby who had nothing wrong who was 100% heathy after 48hours of being born who had not been given a bottle. I fought hard to help them see that they needed to show me they where pro breastfeeding. They did listen to me, but I give thanks to the prayers I offered to assist and that I was not a first time mother or a first time breastfeeder. Had these two things been in play with this senerio I belive we would have had to be there for a another few days and that Gwendolyn would have had to be given a bottle before we left.
So home after the hospital was sad because we did not get our planned home postpardum like we had imagined. It was difficult to know I had spent the first few days of Gwendolyn's life fatigued, standing for my own beliefs and none of it in the safty and comfort of my own home. My husband had tests at school for those two days after she was born and I was there by myself with a unwanted burden. Did we make the right decision, yes, but it was a hard desicion and I have regrets that I did not know more about home birth before doing it. I do however look at it the same as a hospital birth. I wish I had known more about breastfeeding before My hospital stay when Azure was born. But, there is no way to have that knowledge before as I do now after having succesfully breastfeed Corban. My mother stayed for another week to help with the children and where needed. I could not have done any of this without her. I am glad she was there. I think planning for a fourth well I just don't understand how to do it without a mother. What will I do if I can't have her?
So will I have another home birth? It is hard to say. I definitely belive I can make more effort to learn more and I can be better prepared in many ways. The natural birth I had was AmaZING I still can't belive I DID IT! But, I did the memory and the feeling are fadding but parts of it will always be inside me. I don't think I could have done the natural birth in a hospital. It's becouse of the way the birth was for me I was screaming and crying and I just don't think I could have ever really felt it all and let go the way I had to the same way I was able to in my own home. The sort of spaced outness or consumed inside my caccon of childbirth just makes me vunarable. I would be unsettled or afraid to let myself let go completely the way i needed to in a hospital. Now, could I make the desision to do natural in the hospital with a midwife or doctor I belived would support me completely? Well, The future doc or midwife that will be aranged for next time I will do my best to check them out completly to have a natural chldbirth in a hospital setting becouse I don't think i can risk my child fadding away in my own bathroom again. A hospital where there is more able bodies and minds that can give help if needed will most likely be the route next time around. Although, I know I can become better educated and take different precausions. Time will tell.
I recived a suprise guest in the event planned. My big brother Curtis decided to fly in with my parents to be here for the birth. I had not seen him in three years, I adore him and was excited that he would be a part of building this great memory of Gwendolyn's arrival.
The morning of October 6th I had a scheduled midwife appointment. I was 40 weeks plus 3 days. With my parents and brother in town awaiting Gwendolyn's introduction I wanted to try to get things started. So My midwife stripped my membrains and made me a super duper yummy drink which consisted of black kohosh, castor oil, and orange juice consentrate, with a wedge of lemon on the side, and the lemon totally helped. Really, I could smell the lemon as I drank threw a straw. I sucked the drink all the way gone.
The next hour was spent back at home trying to consentrate on not throwing up this yummy drink. I had a sick nausiated feeling. I kept it down by concentration and staying still. Dan was studying in my room near by as I accomplished this.
The next hour my contractions started they where consistent at two minutes apart and kept coming. I was excited but nervouse that they would stop. It came time for Azure and Corban to be picked up from school. Dan and I walked over and waited the half hour in between their pick up times. Still timing contractions they were steady at two minutes apart. It was slightly amusing to mention to friends that I was in Labor.
Back home I was feeling a bit tired from the walk and rested in my chair. Now I was visiting the potty about every half hour with the famouse castor oil response to drinking it. We called the midwife who came over to check me. I had been dilated at a two that morning (11:00am) at the visit now it was 4:30pm and I was at a three. Shortly before 6:00pm I got up out of my chair and started pacing the hallway. I called for Dan who was studying on the poarch, it was time for him to be by my side. The contractions now had brought me to the ground and I was on all fours swaying. Curtis was there assisting in comforting me along side Dan. We called the midwife who had said to call her back when there was a change in my Lobor pains. She lives down the street from me. This was defently a change. If I had a guess I would say I was dilated to a four about now. The midwife did not check me at this point. But suggested we get in the tub.
The water was drawn and I made my way downstairs to the tub. The midwife told me that my pains would regulate sometime during labor that my body would soon say how hard and how fast pains would come. At this point they where coming still steady at about one and a half minutes apart. Getting into the tub helped as a pain relief. I labored for some time turning a bit in between contractions. Cold wash clothes where held on my head and towels placed behind me apone my request. I was drinking a power aid to help me not become dehydrated from the pooping I had done. I asked for water but was told I really needed to have the power-aid. It was nice to drink during labor.
The midwife wanted to check my dialation and we had had planned that Dan would do that. he did and reported he thought I was a four and a half maybe a five. This bothered me I did not want to hear I was only half way and I did not want to be checked again. Dan's first time was painful and his practis was over by my say so. Dana checked as well and said that I ws about a five. She said I just needed my bag of water to break then baby would come down. She asked if I wanted her to break it. Dan and I agreed No we did not want it broken.
Labor Pain became very intense and I began to visit a place in side of me that holds great fear. I was sobbing in pain now. And wanted the comfort I have received so many times before in the past on occasions. I asked that the midwife and her assistant step out of the bathroom and called my father and my husband to come give me a blessing. Regretting that we had not done it before but releaved I could have it now in my time of need. Right at this time I had a break in my pains that seemed to last just long enough to recive the blessing with only one contraction. I think this was where my pains evened out. I do not remember the blessing Daniel gave to me. My father told me afterwords that Dan had given me a sweet bleesing and that the room was filled with angels. I asked him if his Aunt Gwendolyn was there, his response was he did not know. I wanted my father to stay and hold my hand for some time. I felt better having my two priesthood holders to labor with for some time.
Shortly after my father left, Dan and I where alone in the bathroom, I had wanted to get up in a vertical position, a birthing stool had been fetched for me to sit on but placed in the tub. Now I felt something pushing with so much pressure I pushed too. It was my bag of water breaking. It burst out across the tub. It was almost commical and had I been in a lighter mood would have laughed out loud and said wow ok baby wants out!
The midwife was called back in and after seeing one more contraction come over me announced Elaine, you are pushing. You are pushing, Elaine, your baby is ready to come. Dan was told to come from supporting my back to come get in position to catch baby. I said I need support where Dan had left me. And called for my MOM to come. I remember tearing at her shirt to push baby out. My mom put her leg up behind me to support me. I had no strengh to hold myself up, yet I felt I needed to be upright to push baby out. Baby Gwendolyn was born at 8:30pm. She was Delivered into Dan's hands. She was put into my arms. I think my eyes got big as this big baby girl was now in my arms. I could hardly hold on to her becouse of exhaustion. Others had their hads on her as well helping hold her up she was beautiful she did not have all the white verasomethen all over her. Even though she was not born in the water. Dana the midwife was suctioning her as we all waited for a cry from her. I could feel her in my arms sort of fade off like she was fading more than falling asleep.
Things moved FAST. Dana told me to get out of the tub onto the floor as the cord was not cut yet and she needed to take baby to the floor NOW. Dana begain CPR she was baged and Dana was giving her compressions. I was watching her and trying to accept either outcome. I had a calm feeling about me and knew all would be well whatever was to happen. I was hoping she would make it and thinking come on Gwendolyn you just got here, STAY. I watched her change colors she was now blue but there was still pink in her. I could still feel her there. Dana got her breathing and we all breathed in relief as. . .
EMS had been called the moment we had got to the floor. They now came into the bathroom annoucing themselves with a declare of HOLY SHIT! I looked at what they where looking at; a tub full of blood, a half naked, wet, bleeding, woman with a cord hanging from her to a baby in the arms of a woman in pink scrubs smeared with blood. Blood all over the floor.
Gwendolyn had been resuscitated by Dana and was now breathing on her own. EMS wanted to load us then and NOW! I announced that where not going anywhere. We explaned this was a planned home birth. I told them they could check the baby out and they could check me out. We cut the cord and delivered the placenta. Dana checked to see if I had torn, I had and would need to be stitched up.
EMS continued to push to have us taken to the hospital. Dad said his advise would be that Gwendolyn needed to go to be checked out. Dan and I talked about it and decided we could go in for peace of mind to see if they would find any reason that she would need further care. So into the ambulance Gwendolyn and I went. My first and hopefully only ambulance ride. Gwendolyn would be admitted to the St. Louis Children's hospital. I to Barns Jewish Hospital. The two hospitals are next to one another and I would be able to walk to and from the NICU. Walk I did it was about a seven minute walk and I was doing it without a wheelchair my first full night of our stay. Gwen was poked after every diper change and had to have an IV and was filled with antibiodics incase she had any infection in her lungs she was on oxygen. Getting aditional information from the midwife we could have had her checked by a pediatrition and put on oxygen for as long as she would have needed it which was about 40 hours. I guess that is just information now. With all the cords Gwen had it was a challange to feed her. after 48 hours of the test results coming back negative, it was then a challenge for the NICU to let her be released based on the facts that they where unsure how much she wa eating. I had done my best to prove to them that even though my milk was not in that this 8lb plus baby would be just fine nursing happily in a day or so once my milk came in. I think the NICU just was not used to releasing a baby who had nothing wrong who was 100% heathy after 48hours of being born who had not been given a bottle. I fought hard to help them see that they needed to show me they where pro breastfeeding. They did listen to me, but I give thanks to the prayers I offered to assist and that I was not a first time mother or a first time breastfeeder. Had these two things been in play with this senerio I belive we would have had to be there for a another few days and that Gwendolyn would have had to be given a bottle before we left.
So home after the hospital was sad because we did not get our planned home postpardum like we had imagined. It was difficult to know I had spent the first few days of Gwendolyn's life fatigued, standing for my own beliefs and none of it in the safty and comfort of my own home. My husband had tests at school for those two days after she was born and I was there by myself with a unwanted burden. Did we make the right decision, yes, but it was a hard desicion and I have regrets that I did not know more about home birth before doing it. I do however look at it the same as a hospital birth. I wish I had known more about breastfeeding before My hospital stay when Azure was born. But, there is no way to have that knowledge before as I do now after having succesfully breastfeed Corban. My mother stayed for another week to help with the children and where needed. I could not have done any of this without her. I am glad she was there. I think planning for a fourth well I just don't understand how to do it without a mother. What will I do if I can't have her?
So will I have another home birth? It is hard to say. I definitely belive I can make more effort to learn more and I can be better prepared in many ways. The natural birth I had was AmaZING I still can't belive I DID IT! But, I did the memory and the feeling are fadding but parts of it will always be inside me. I don't think I could have done the natural birth in a hospital. It's becouse of the way the birth was for me I was screaming and crying and I just don't think I could have ever really felt it all and let go the way I had to the same way I was able to in my own home. The sort of spaced outness or consumed inside my caccon of childbirth just makes me vunarable. I would be unsettled or afraid to let myself let go completely the way i needed to in a hospital. Now, could I make the desision to do natural in the hospital with a midwife or doctor I belived would support me completely? Well, The future doc or midwife that will be aranged for next time I will do my best to check them out completly to have a natural chldbirth in a hospital setting becouse I don't think i can risk my child fadding away in my own bathroom again. A hospital where there is more able bodies and minds that can give help if needed will most likely be the route next time around. Although, I know I can become better educated and take different precausions. Time will tell.
Baby Gwendolyn second day in the world. Her poor little arm with an IV attatched.
Here she has her oxygen tube on. The oxygen levels needed where never more than a whisper.
Here he is the big bro CURTIS. He was a comfort to have there during Labor. Dan said he really helped him to show him how to comfort me. What a great memory we created to have him there for Gwendolyns arrival to the world. He helped alot with the kids I heard. I am greatful to have had him there.
Here I am Mommy of Three! I have a look of confidence huh! That's the natural childbirth shinning threw!SO the Good and the Bad I would not change a thing about Gwendolyn's Birth. I think it was perfect. And a perfectly good faliure in many ways. I learned so much and I am greatful to have experienced so much in the decision to have number three. This new part of life to gain skill and knowledge from is a blessing my Heavenly Father has granted me to have. I am excited to be proactive in being a mother and a daughter. Azure Corban and Gwendolyn are now teachers to me. I will do my best to be present as a student. I hope to wear a smile as often as possible the rest of my life.
The end of the story is that GWENDOLYN DELAINEY DUREE was born on Daniel and I's annivaesary and on a FULL MOON what a sweet gift we recived.
9 comments:
Thanks for sharing your story, Elaine. I'm sorry it didn't end quite the way you intended with the NICU and all.
I was really lucky when Delia had to be in the NICU at St. John's They weighed her before & after I nursed her to see how much she was getting, so they knew she was fine. The only bottles she got were full of what I had pumped for her, since when she nursed she had the tendency to fall asleep.
I'm so glad that Gwendolyn ended up being okay. She is beautiful, and I LOVE her name! Congratulations to your whole family!
E, I haven't been to your blog in forever! Little Gwen's story is crazy. I can't wait to see her in person sometime. She looks perfect to me!
Thanks for sharing this. I'm glad that everyone is doing well now. You are one brave soul-way to stick up for your beliefs!
Congratulations, Elaine! I am truly impressed that you did all that natural! Crazy. So sorry the birth wasn't just how you planned it. Wow; good thing you had that blessing! She is beautiful.
Dearest Elaine... thank you for sharing your incredible experience! I'm so happy that you and Gwendolyn are healthy, happy, and home with your fam! And thanks for the Curtis pics - What a treat! :)
Wow, what a great story. You are so brave to try a natural birth. I am glad you and Gwendolyn are home and doing good! She is beautiful
Oh, Elaine, what an amazing sweet story you have of little Gwendolyn's birth... I LOVED reading this, you really have a way with words. I love your blog too btw!
Hey Elaine, I really enjoyed reading about your birth. I would love to try a home birth, this past spring I was able to be with a friend of mine at her home birth, I took pictures for her it was amazing. Her baby was actually born in the caul it was very cool. I am sorry about the complications but as always you totally turned it into something great and something to learn from :o) Gwendolyn is beautiful and you all look amazing congrats! :O)
I don't understand anyone who can put their baby in such extreme harm's way as to have a home birth.
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